Simple Pleasures

Charlotte:  *farts as she climbs into my lap for bedtime snuggles*

Me:  Ew.  Child, could you please stop farting?

Charlotte:  But I like farting!

(January 30, 2016)

Cause of Death

Molly and Charlotte: *playing Minecraft, pretending their characters are talking to each other*

Molly:  What happened to him?

Charlotte: He died. 

Molly: How did he die? Did he die by being killed?

(January 30, 2016)

Little Feminist

Molly:  *drawing with Makayla, her babysitter* Draw some things that would make you happy as a kitty. 

Makayla:  Hmmmm . . . how about a boy kitty?

Molly:  No! You don't need a boy kitty to make you happy!

(January 27, 2016)

Tampons

Butch and Molly:  *in the feminine hygiene aisle at Walmart to get tampons for me* 

Molly:  Why do you have to get those things for Mommy?

Butch:  Well, when girls get older, things happen in their bodies that cause them to need these things. 

Molly:  So, like, me and Charlotte when we get older, and Mommy, but not you?

Butch:  Right. 

Molly:  *pauses to think a moment* So, when I'm a grownup, my husband will buy them for me. *carries on down the aisles with that matter settled*

(January 26, 2016)

Restaurant Critic

Charlotte:  *sees that I'm eating Chick-Fil-A waffle fries, starts to get miffed, then reconsiders* We had McDonald's. McDonald's is better than Chick-Fil-A. 

Me:  *raises an eyebrow dubiously*

Charlotte:  Uh-huh. It is. *pauses* But Red Robin is better than all the restaurants . . . that aren't frozen yogurt. . . or Mexican. 

(January 25, 2016)

Taste Buds

Molly:  The queso is tasting sweeter. It's not as spicy. 

Me:  Well, you're probably just getting used to it. 

Molly:  Oh, right. I think my taste buds are changing. 

Charlotte:  *gasps* Not the tasty buds!

(January 23, 2016)

Called Out

Me:  Why?

Charlotte:  Because. 

Me:  But why?

Charlotte:  Because!

Me:  That is not a reason. 

Charlotte:  But you say that when I ask the questions. 

(January 21, 2016)

Sing to the Hand

Me:  *singing "Death of a Bachelor" because it's stuck in my head*

Charlotte:  *walks over and looks deep into my eyes as she places her hand over my mouth*

(January 20, 2016)

What If

Me:  *following Charlotte up the stairs* Now, we need to be quiet when we go in your room because Molly is asleep.

Charlotte:  *stopping and turning around to whisper* What if we have to sneeze or cough?

(January 19, 2016)

The Kids!

Butch:  *cooking*

Molly and Charlotte:  *suddenly bombarding the kitchen with noise and movement*

Butch:  *getting frustrated by all the noise and little people running around him while he's trying to chop things*

Me:  Calm down, honey.

Butch:  Sorry.  I'm just being driven crazy right now for some reason.

Charlotte:  The kids!  It's the kids!

(January 17, 2016)

Food Review

Molly:  *responding to the bite of corn dog she was asked to try* I like the bread . . . but there's a hot dog. 

(January 15, 2016)

Wedgie

Charlotte:  *abruptly standing up off my lap and pulling at her pants* My hoo-hoo has a wedgie!

(January 7, 2016)

The King

Molly:  *telling us about the a video on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. she watched in class, with most of her focus on explaining why he was a "junior"*

Me:  And do you remember why he's important?

Charlotte:  Because he's the king!

(January 5, 2016)

Let's Go Ahead

Me:  *holding Charlotte in the rocker at bedtime*

Molly:  *throwing a ridiculous fit in the top bunk*

Me:  One. If you keep throwing that fit and I get to three, you'll get no computer time tomorrow. You have the choice to stop now and keep your computer time. 

Molly:  *continuing the fit*

Me:  Two. If you don't stop throwing a fit, you're choosing to not have computer time tomorrow. 

Molly:  *continuing the fit, but quieter*

Me:  I've already said "two." If you don't stop now, you're making the choice to have no computer time tomorrow.

Charlotte:  *whispering to me* Let's go ahead and say "three."

(January 3, 2016)