Saying No

Me:  *in response to something adorable Charlotte said* Oh, how do I say "no" to you, child?

Charlotte:  Wit' youw voice.  

(December 31, 2014)

Whose House

Butch:  *after Charlotte was being a defiant little turd* Now you need to start being nice and making good choices. We've got a long way to go. *referring to the amount of time remaining until midnight*

Charlotte:  *perking up* To whose house?

(December 31, 2014)

Nap Nap for Baby

Charlotte:  *to her baby doll* Otay, baby. It nap nap time fow you so you have to get in youw kiddle an' suck youw foofy. 

("Kiddle" is what Charlotte insists on calling a crib.)

(December 30, 2014)

Awesome

Me:  *to Charlotte* You're so awesome. 

Charlotte:  *indignantly* No, I not!

Me:  You're not awesome?

Charlotte:  No!

Me:  Then what are you?

Charlotte:  Your baby!

(December 28, 2014)

Lunch Order

Butch:  Let's talk about your lunch, Molly. You really need to eat your lunch at school. 

Me:  What do you want to have for lunch when you go back to school?

Molly:  Ummmm . . . Pasta House. 

(December 26, 2014)

Best Cooker

Molly:  *to Butch* You're the best cooker, even when you make some accidents

(December 24, 2014)

Cheeky

Me:  *acting like I'm going to steal some noodles off Charlotte's plate*

Charlotte:  Hey!  You bein' cheeky!

(December 23, 2014)

Both

Molly:  *in timeout* You're bein' mean to me!

Me:  You know what the consequences of bad choices are, so am I being mean, or did you choose bad consequences?

Molly:  Bad conse-- both!

(November 29, 2014)

Squealing in Restaurants

Charlotte:  *in response to the baby screaming a few tables away*  Babies squeaw in restawyants. 

Me:  Yes, they do. But big girls don't, right?

Charlotte:  Well . . . I'm a big giwl who squeals in restawyants. 

(November 22, 2014)

Not Done

Waiter:  *motioning to my plate*. Are you done?

Me:  Yes, thanks. 

Waiter:  *takes my plate, looks to the girls and their plate, which is mostly empty and has both their forks resting on it* You done?

Molly:  Yeah. 

Charlotte:  *puts her hand on her fork and gives the waiter a look that pretty much says she'll cut him*

Waiter:  *backs away from the table*

(November 21, 2014)

Sound Effects

Charlotte:  *babbling and playing instead of going to sleep*

Me:  *stern-voiced* Charlotte, go. to. sleep. 

Charlotte:  *perfecrly imitates the "wrong answer" game-show sound cue*. Wah-wah-waaaaaah. 

(November 18, 2014)

Understanding

Charlotte:  *humming to herself, playing with the tail of the Toodee stuffie she's supposed to be snuggling while falling asleep*

Me:  Do I have to take that away from you. 

Charlotte:  I'm jus' tryin' to undastan' da spikes. 

(November 18, 2014)

Consolation

Charlotte:  But I hate da sun!

Me:  I know, but there's nothing we can do about it.

Charlotte:  Ahwight. I just suck my tumb. *does just that*

(November 11, 2014)

Proper Saturday

Charlotte:  We playin' Tiger Go. 

Me:  Oh?  What's that?

Charlotte:  It's a bideo. 

Me:  Oh, ok. What's it about?

Charlotte:  I don't know. 

Me:  Then how do you play it?

Charlotte:  The easy way . . . I mean, the propeh way. 

Me:  *laughing* I love you. 

Charlotte:  I don't. 

Me:  Aw, you don't love me?

Charlotte:  Nope. 

Me:  That makes Mommy sad. 

Charlotte:  *grinning* Ok, I do yove you. 

Me:  Oh good. That makes me happy. 

Charlotte:  But I don't yove you on Satewdays. 

(November 1, 2014)

Robots

Charlotte:  I wanna sweep wit' you. In your bed. 

Me:  Why do you wanna do that?

Charlotte:  Betause I scawed of da dark. 

Me:  You've never been scared of the dark. 

Charlotte:  Yes I am!

Me:  What are you afraid of in the dark? What do you think is going to happen. 

Charlotte:  Robots. 

(October 26, 2014)

Energy

Charlotte:  If I don't get energy, I might get old and die. 

(October 25, 2014)

Freckles

Me:  *holding Charlotte in the rocker to keep her still for naptime*

Charlotte:  Ouch! Momma, your freckles are hurtin' me!

(October 24, 2014)

Spelling

Me:  *helping Molly study spelling words* What.

Molly:  *writing the word*

Charlotte:  A-B-C-D. I did it!  I did it aw by mysewf!

(October 15, 2014)

OMG Holy Moly

Charlotte:  Oh. My. Goss. Da sun is up. Ho-wee mo-wee. 

(October 4, 2014)

Beards

Charlotte:  *gives Butch a kiss on the cheek, then rubs his jaw and looks at me* What dis?

Butch:  That's my beard. 

Charlotte:  *still looking at me, now rubs her chin* Daddy's beawd huwt my beawd.

(October 1, 2014)

Potatoes and Tomatoes

Charlotte:  Yay! Molly, Daddy got pizza!  Wit' no mushrooms or potatoes!

Me:  *cracking up*

Charlotte:  Wit' no bamatoes!

Me:  *more cracking up*

Charlotte:  No, Mommy.  Bamatoes awe not funny.  Just potatoes awe funny.

Me:  *even more cracking up*

(September 28, 2014)

Melting

Charlotte:  *refusing to open her car door* It wet!

Me:  OMG, just open it. Wet won't hurt you. You don't melt in the rain. 

Charlotte:  No, only snowmens do dat. 

Me:  *chuckling* Snowmen melt in the rain?

Charlotte:  No, in da SUMMER.

Me:  Oh, the summer. Mommy melts in the summer, too. 

Charlotte:  No!  Only snowmens. Not humans.  

Me:  Oh, right.

Charlotte:  Not even the humans from Frozen!  Just Olaf. 

(September 19, 2014)

Her Father's Daughter

Molly:  *singing* Here I stand . . . and here I FART! *massive giggling*

Butch:  *smiles proudly*

(September 14, 2014)

Dinosaur Song

Molly:  *singing in the backseat, clearly an original composition* What are dinosaurs made of? What are dinosaurs made of? What are dinosaurs made of? *fart noise* BLOOOOOOD!

(September 12, 2014)

The Money Bank

Charlotte:  Can I throw money in dat fountain?

Butch:  No, we don't have any money. 

Charlotte:  But we can get some at the money bank. 

(September 12, 2014)

Growin' Pains

Molly:  *holding her head* I think I have growin' pains in my head. 

(September 11, 2014)

That Was Me

Me:  *sniffing the air* Charlotte, you have to be poopy. 

Charlotte:  No I not. 

Molly:  Actually, that was me. 

(September 7, 2014)

Best Friend, Part 3

Molly:  You know, my best friend I sit with on the bus?  She had a stuffed puppy today, and tomorrow, it's going to have babies.

Me:  Oh yeah?  That's pretty crazy.  What's your friend's name?

Molly:  Well, I don't know.  I haven't asked her yet.  Maybe I will tomorrow.

(September 4, 2014)

Cowboys

Molly:  *reading "The Big Cowboy and the Little Cowboy, pauses*  Why do they say "cowboys"?

Me:  What do you mean?

Molly:  Like, why do they call them "cowboys"?  Is it because they collect cows?

(September 4, 2014)

Dino Expert

Molly:  *brought her toy velociraptor to the football game and is playing with a little boy who brought a toy brachiosaurus*

Little Boy:  I took a bite of your tail!  And your back!  And I ate your WHOLE BODY!

Molly:  No, you can't do that. You're a plant-eater. 

(August 22, 2014)

You Can Tell Me

Molly:  *at an MHS football game, turned around playing with the kids behind us*

Me:  The game's about to start, Molly. 

Molly:  It's ok. I just wanna keep playing. You can tell me who won. 

(August 22, 2014)

Knees and Toes

Charlotte:  *pointing to her thigh* Is this a knee?

Me:  No, that's your thigh. *moving her hand* This is your knee. 

Charlotte:  Oh. *pause* Head, show-duws, knees, and toes. 

Me:  Did you learn "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" today?

Charlotte:  No. My baby-sitter doesn't have a reason to do dat. 

(August 7, 2014)

Not Godzilla

Me:  *referencing how I accidentally knocked off part of the Lego Rapunzel tower*  Yeah, I kinda Godzilla-ed that.

Molly:  No, you are NOT Godzilla.  You aren't even a dinosaur.  Dinosaurs aren't even alive.

(July 24, 2014)

I Know

Molly:  *on the toilet, jabbering away at us through the bathroom door*

Me:  *changing Charlotte's diaper* You know, your sister like to talk.

Charlotte:  *grins quietly*  I know.

(July 24, 2014)

Commercials

Molly:  *walking up to the computer where I'm working*  Hey!  Raid.  Kills bugs dead.

Me:  *looks at her incredulously*

Molly:  I watch a lot of commercials.

(July 21, 2014)

Piggy Sound

Molly:  *laughing at her own joke, snorts*

Me:  *chuckling* Ah! You snorted!

Molly:  *still giggling* I made my piggy sound! *cracks up some more*

(July 19, 2014)

Dizzy

Charlotte:  *after twirling in circles for a few minutes, stumbles toward me* The whole world is dizzy. 

(July 19, 2014)

The Band

Charlotte:  *rocking out at the open window, using a bluetooth speaker as a microphone, with a bunch of envelopes lined up along the window ledge*

Butch:  *approaches to see what Charlotte's doing, notes the envelopes*  What are you doing?  *points to envelopes*

Charlotte:  *completely serious*  Dis my band.

(July 16, 2014)

Candy Crush

Molly:  *walks up to see what Charlotte's doing on the iPad*  Oh my gosh, she's, like, playing Candy Crush.

Charlotte:  I good at Candy Cwush.

(July 16, 2014)

The Right Words

Molly:  *about a bird they were watching* It just flied away, Charlotte. 

Me:  Flew. 

Molly:  Flew. *pause* When I get bigger, I might have to say the right words. 

(July 11, 2014)

I Need a Drink

Charlotte: *stalling sleep* I need a drink!  I need a drink, Mommy!

Me:  No, you need to sleep. 

Charlotte:  No, I need a drink!  I need a drink because ....

Me:  Why do you need a drink, huh?

Charlotte:  I need a drink because my eye hurts!

Me:  *uncontrollable laughter*

(July 9, 2014)

Trust

Charlotte:  I'm the fastest eater. I'm the fastest. 

Me:  You are?  Let me see how fast you can eat that frozen yogurt. 

Charlotte:  *demonstrates* 

Me:  Wow, that's fast. Keep going. 

Molly:  *leans over, whispers* Don't trust her. Don't even trust her. She is NOT the fastest. 

(July 9, 2014)

Sharing Pillows

Me:  *getting ready to sleep between Molly and Charlotte while on vacation* Can I share your pillow?

Molly:  Yes. 

Me:  Thanks. 

Molly:  I'll always share my pillow with you. Because you're my mom, and I love you. 

(July 7, 2014)

So Big

Me:  Molly, when did you get so big?

Molly:  Uh, when my birthdays come. 

(July 4, 2014)

Miss You

Me:  Here, Charlotte, will you please take this upstairs and put it in the laundry for me?

Charlotte:  Ok. *pause as she takes the item from me* But I will miss you, Mommy. 

(July 1, 2014)

Remember When

Molly:  Hey, Mommy. You remember before, when I was a baby and I had a tooth comin' in like Charlotte?

Me:  Yeah. 

Molly:  *hugging me* I love you. 

(June 21, 2014)

Hyper

Charlotte:  What dat?

Me:  It's tea. 

Charlotte:  I wanna taste tea. 

Me:  No, tea isn't for little kids. 

Charlotte:  Aw, why?

Me:  Because it has caffeine, and it would make you hyper. 

Charlotte:  What hyper?

Me:  Hyper is like ... acting really wild and crazy. 

Charlotte:  *eyes lighting up* I want hyper!

(June 20, 2014)

Because I Love You

Me:  Are you so happy?!

Charlotte:  Yes!

Me:  Why are you so happy?

Charlotte:  Um ... betause I yuv you. 

(June 5, 2014)

Girl Color

Molly:  Daddy!  You're wearing pink?! That's my favorite color!

Butch:  Yeah. 

Molly:  That's a girl color. But I still like you in it. 

Me:  *commences diatribe on how all colors are genderless*

(May 28, 2014)

Break It On

Charlotte:  *dancing*

Me:  Break it off, sister!

Molly:  Yeah!  Break it on!

(May 17, 2014)

Chocolate

Charlotte:  *holding up a box of chocolate-chip bars*  I eat dis?

Grandma B:  No, I think you need to get something without chocolate.  You just had some chocolate.

Charlotte:  *raising the box higher*  I wan' dis!

Grandma B:  No, you need to eat something else.  That has chocolate.

Charlotte:  *indignantly whining*  But I yike choc'wet!

(May 10, 2014)

Charlotte's Webb

Molly:  Why does someone have to check our house?

Me:  They're looking at it to see if they want to buy it. 

Molly:  And then what happens next?

Me:  Well, if they like it, they'll buy it. 

Molly:  And then will we move to our new home in the city?  In Webb City?

Charlotte:  *excited gasp* Cha-wet's  Web City?!  We movin' to Cha-wet's  Web City?

(May 2, 2014)

Typical Bedtime

Me:  *after 30 or so minutes of babbling, singing, wrestling, etc. in the rocking chair*  Charlotte, you REALLY need to go to sleep.

Charlotte:  Otay, Mommy.  *lays her head on my shoulder for a few seconds, then pops back up*  Heeeeeeeeeeeewe IIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAAm.  In da LIIIIIIIIIIIght of DAAAAAAAAAAY!

Butch:  *dies laughing in the living room*

(April 23, 2014)

Call Me Charlotte

Charlotte:  I not a bid gir yet. I stiw a baby.

Me:  Okay. 

Charlotte:  Miss Apwiw say I bid gir at daycawe. She say I not baby. 

Me:  Well, you are a big girl at daycare. 

Charlotte:  No, I not. I Cha-wet. 

Me:  Okay, baby. 

Charlotte:  No. Caw me "Cha-wet."

(April 23, 2014)

Break Me

Charlotte:  *climbing the ladder to the top bunk*

Me:  Get down from there!

Charlotte:  I do it myseff. I do it by myseff. 

Butch:  You're going to break yourself. 

Charlotte:  *safely reaching the floor* See, I not break me. 

(April 23, 2014)

Not a Kiss

Charlotte:  *climbs into my lap*

Me:  Gimme kiss?

Charlotte:  Not a kiss. A song. *singing* Ba ba ba ...

(April 16, 2014)

Beautiful

Me:  *working on the week's sight words with Molly* Can you use "she" in a sentence?

Molly:  She is a doctor. 

Me:  Very good. Can you use "he" in a sentence?

Molly:  He is a doctor. 

Me:  Good job. Now, can you use "she" in a sentence about your mommy?

Molly:  She is beautiful. 

Me:  *melts*

(April 15, 2014)

Maybe Later

Me:  Can I have a kiss?

Charlotte:  No. I thuckin' my tumb. 

Me:  So yeah, when are you gonna stop sucking you thumb?

Charlotte:  Um ... I don' know ... maybe later. 

(April 14, 2014)

Heyin'

Charlotte:  Hey!

Me:  What?

Charlotte:  No.  I not talkin' to you.  I not heyin' you.

(April 6, 2014)

The Top

Erica:  *pointing to the girls' beds, which they were showing off to her*  You know, I helped get this for you.  This was your birthday present from me.

Molly:  The top one?

Erica:  *cracking up*  Yup.  I got the top part.

(April 5, 2014)

The Turtle

Molly:  I don't know what the turtle says. There's not a song about that. 

(March 22, 2014)

No More Talkin'

Me:  *to the girls*  Hey!  No more throwin' the ball. 

Charlotte:  *mimicking my tone, to me*  Hey!  No mo' tawtin'!

(March 27, 2014)

But They're So Pretty

Molly:  *playing Lego Star Wars on the Xbox with Butch* Why do we have to shoot them?

Butch:  *shooting things*  Because there are things inside them we need.

Molly:  But they're so pretty.  Why do we have to shoot them?  They're so pretty.

(March 7, 2014)

Hide and Seek

Molly:  *counting while Charlotte hides.*  One ... two ... three ...

Charlotte:  *"hiding" under the dining table and loudly counting along with her sister*  One ... two ... three ...

Molly:  ... 16 ... 17 ... 18 ... 19 ... 20!  Ready or not, here I come!

Charlotte:  ... 18 ... 19 ... 20!  *jumping out from her spot*  Weddy o' not, heew I tum!

Molly:  *chuckling sigh of exasperation*  Ok, do-over.

(March 7, 2014)

Applesauce

Charlotte:  *spotting a photograph of a frozen margarita on my computer screen*  Applesauce!

(March 7, 2014)

Cauliflower

Molly:  *trying some of my turtle blast from Sonic after I had explained to her what was in it*  Where's the caramel?

Me:  It's mixed in. Do you like it?

Molly:  Mmm-hmmm.  *pause*  It's not cauliflower. 

(February 21, 2014)

Like a Diamond

Charlotte:  * looking at the bite of ice cream I scooped for her*  Ooh, dat big ... like a die-min!

(February 21, 2014)

Learned Behaviors

Charlotte:  *sitting in her bed with her baby doll and the thermometer*

Me:  What are you doin'?

Charlotte:  I take Baby Steh-wa's tempeh-chuw.

Me:  Awww. you're such a good mommy.  Where'd you learn to be such a good mommy?

Charlotte:  From Daddy.

(February 21, 2014)

Plops

Molly:  *explaining her bowel movement to me*  There weren't any plops. It was diarrhea. 

(February 19, 2014)

Don't Call Me "Baby"

Me:  *responding to something Charlotte had said* Mmm-hmm, baby. 

Charlotte:  Don't call me "baby!"

Me:  *chuckling*  Ok then. Why not? 

Charlotte:  Because I Chah'yette. 

(February 18, 2014)

That Time

Me:  Oh yeah.  My car's been telling me it needs some kind of service soon.  "B12," whatever that means.

Butch:  Probably oil change.  It's about that time.

Charlotte:  *takes off running to the other room*  NO!  NOT NAP TIME!  I NO WAN' NAP TIME!

(February 7, 2014)

Hate

Charlotte:  *after eating three bites of the waffle she had asked for* I wan' a 'nana.

Me:  What?!  Did you already eat your waffle?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.

Me:  Eat the waffle.

Charlotte:  No.  I wan' a 'nana.

Me:  No.  Eat your waffle.

Charlotte:  I hate dat waffuw.

(February 4, 2014)

Lesson Learned

Molly:  *crying in my lap, after her sister physically retaliated against her bossiness*

Me:  Where do you need a kiss?

Molly:  *pointing to a red spot on her temple*  Right here.

Me:  *after kissing it better*  Now, were you trying to boss your sister?

Molly:  *teary-faced*  Uh-huh.

Me:  And then she hit you, right?

Molly:  Uh-huh.

Me:  So what have you learned about bossing your sister?

Molly:  She will hit me in the head with a Barbie.

(February 3, 2014)

Oh, That's Bad

Charlotte:  *overhearing the minor meltdown her sister is having in the next room* What Maw-yee doing?

Me:  Well, she's throwing a bit of a fit. 

Charlotte:  What Daddy do to him?  What Daddy do to my sister Maw-yee?

Me:  I think he gave her a little swat on the booty. 

Charlotte:  Oh, dat bad. 

(January 15, 2014)

Sunshine

Me:  *snuggling with Charlotte after she just woke up*  Are you a sweet girl?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.

Me:  Are you a crabby girl?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.

Me:  Are you sleepy?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.

Me:  Well, what are you then?

Charlotte:  Suh-shy!

(January 9, 2014)