Sunday, December 25, 2016

You People Down There

Butch, Erica, Mom, and Me:  *watching Steelers vs. Ravens football*

Molly and Charlotte:  *playing upstairs*

Butch and Me:  *explode in cheers as the Steelers get a touchdown*

Molly:  What's wrong with you people down there?

(December 25, 2016)


Molly: *taking a t-shirt out of a box of clothes she just unwrapped, tossing it aside after barely a glance*

Me:  That one says, "The sass is strong with this one."

Molly:  Yes, it is.

(December 25, 2016)

Friday, December 23, 2016

A Long Time

Me: Can you use your big-girl voice when you talk to Santa? Not your tiny voice, so he can actually hear you?

Charlotte: But I'm kind of scared, too.

Me: Why are you scared? It's Santa!

Charlotte: Yeah, but it's been a long time.

(December 23, 2016)

Empty Stomach

Molly:  Are we going to Mexican, or are we going to see Santa?

Me:  Yes.

Molly:  But which one are we doing first? I hope it's Mexican because I'm very hungry, and I do NOT want to have an empty stomach when I talk to Santa.

(December 23, 2016)

Monday, December 5, 2016


Me:  *sitting in the rocker in Molly's room, grading papers while waiting for the girls (who have recently taken to sharing a bed by choice) to fall asleep*

Charlotte:  *climbs out of the bed and tiptoes over to me. places her index finger in front of her mouth.*  Shhhhh.  Molly's asleep.

Me:  *WTH look, speechless.*

Charlotte:  I helped her fall asleep.

Me:  YOU should be asle--

Charlotte:  Shhhhhhh.

(December 4, 2016)

Thursday, November 24, 2016


Molly:  This why probably why I'm older. Because I was born in 2008, and she was born in 2011.

(November 24, 2016)

The Club

Charlotte:  *dancing*

Aunt Erica:  Look at your moves!  Do you break it off at the club?

Charlotte:  *stops dancing" What club?

(November 24, 2016)

Saturday, November 19, 2016


Me: *getting up from the couch and walking to the kitchen *

Charlotte: *following me*

Me: What are you doing?

Charlotte: Following you.

Me: Why?

Charlotte: Because I am the queen, and you have to respect my orders.

(November 19, 2016)

Tuesday, October 25, 2016


Charlotte: Tomorrow is precipitation. 

Me: Oh yeah? And what does that mean?

Charlotte: It means the rain coming down. 

Me:  Very good. 

Charlotte: *after a pause* Why did you send me to preschool if you didn't go? *referencing a previous conversation*

Me: *deciding that "because it was free, and daycare is expensive" is not a good answer* Because I want you to have more education than I did. 

Charlotte: So you don't know about the water cycle?!

(October 25, 2016)

Friday, October 14, 2016


Butch and me: *reacting to an idiot who nearly caused an accident at one of Joplin's many roundabouts *

Molly: What? What happened?

Me: People just don't know how to do roundabouts.

Butch: *at the same time* A car just pulled out in front of another one.

Charlotte: *in a tiny, ominous voice* Cops gon' get them.

(October 14, 2016)

Thursday, September 8, 2016

So Sweet

Me:  *doing bedtime snuggles with Charlotte* Can I have a kiss?

Charlotte:  *gives me a kiss, then looks into my eyes*

Me:  Do you know that I love you so much?

Charlotte:  *still staring in my eyes* Hey, it looks like the nightlight is green in your glasses. 

(September 8, 2016)

Sunday, September 4, 2016

She's Bad

Molly: *asks for something that she's already had turned down multiple times*

Me: No. 

Molly: *starts throwing mild tantrum and stalks out of the room*

Charlotte: *looks at me* She's bad. 

(September 4, 2016)

Friday, August 26, 2016

And Roses

Me:  How was your day?

Charlotte:  Sunshine and roses!

(August 26, 2016)


Molly: *discussing various photos of mixed-breed puppies she found on Pinterest* That's definitely the cutest mashup. 

(August 26, 2016)

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Just So Cute

Charlotte: *after I changed into pjs for the night* You just look so cute and chubby in your jammies, Mommy. 

(August 24, 2016)

Monday, August 22, 2016


Charlotte:  I had PE today!

Me:  Fun!  Do you know your PE teacher's name yet?

Charlotte:  Coach. 

Me:  Ok, right. Do you his last name? Coach what? 

Charlotte:  Hmmmm . . . oh yeah. Coach Awesome!

(August 22, 2016)

Monday, August 15, 2016


Butch: *starting to hand Charlotte her shirt to put on*

Charlotte:  I prefer to put on pants first. 

(August 15, 2016)

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Get Ready

Molly and Charlotte: *in the back seat of the car, playing with a game in the iPad *

Molly: Charlotte, get ready to hear this enormous fart. 

Butch: *cracks up in proud laughter*

(August 7, 2016)

Saturday, July 30, 2016


Me:  Listen, sometimes you go stupid.  Like when you said 16 oz was a cup.

Butch:  I'm gonna punch you.

Molly:  *pointing her finger at Butch in reprimand*

Butch:  She called me stupid!

Me:  *cracking up*

Molly:  *stomping out of the room*

Me:  I'm not laughing at you, baby.

Molly:  *turning around*  No, I'm just walking out because I don't want to deal with this.

(July 30, 2016)

Friday, July 29, 2016

Boo-kee Boo-kee Boo-kee

Charlotte and Molly: *watching a recording of the parent preview performances*

Charlotte: Where's Daddy? Where Daddy? Where's Daddy?

Molly:  He's right there!  Going boo-kee boo-kee boo-kee!

(July 29, 2016)

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Can't Hold It

Charlotte:  *whining while we wait for Butch to finish his shower* Momma, I'm hungry, and I can't hold my hungry!

(July 27, 2016)

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Under Cover

Charlotte:  I hear something!

Me:  It's thunder. 

Charlotte:  *gasping and running out of the room* It's a storm! Take under cover!

Tuesday, July 19, 2016


Molly:  *gets up to move the armchair that has gotten pushed too far back*

Charlotte:  *hops into the chair*

Me:  No, Charlotte.  You can't sit in the chair while she moves it.

Charlotte:  *whining as she gets out of the chair*  But I'm not heavy!

Me:  You're right, but you still make the chair heavier when you sit in it.

Charlotte:  No, I don't.

Me:  Yes, you do.  It's called physics.

Charlotte:  I. Don't. Have. Physics!

(July 19, 2016)

Friday, July 15, 2016

Amazon Echo

Butch:  *unpacking the package UPS just delivered*

Charlotte:  What is that?

Butch:  It's an Amazon Echo.

Molly:  Yes!

Charlotte:  *shouting at the machine* Hello!  Hello! *perplexed look*  I wonder why it's not echoing.

(July 15, 2016)

Tuesday, July 12, 2016


Molly: *teaching Charlotte how to play Lego Star Wars: The Force Awakens, chooses BB-8 for her character* Now your dream can come true like mine did. 

(July 12, 2016)

Thursday, July 7, 2016


Me:  More eating, less talking. 

Charlotte:  Okay, boss. 

(July 7, 2016)

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Pogo Stick

Charlotte: Mommy, when I'm a teenager, can I try a pogo stick?

(July 1, 2016)

Monday, June 27, 2016


Me:  Baby, why do you keep holding your poop?  You know it just makes you feel bad.

Charlotte:  I don't want to poop because brown is not my favorite color.  *pause*  I wish I was a unicorn.

(June 27, 2016)

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

She's Good

Butch:  *struggling to get Siri to understand him*

Charlotte:  Let Momma do it. She's good at stuff. 

(June 22, 2016)

Wednesday, June 15, 2016


Charlotte: *rolling around her bed instead of sleeping*

Me: Charlotte, be still. 

Charlotte: *with perfect five-year-old indignation* I have to get into my position of sleeping!

(June 15, 2016)

Monday, June 6, 2016


Me: How about we go to Magic Noodle for lunch?

Charlotte: Yes!

Me:  Ok, let's do it then. 

Charlotte:  Why'd you say it like that?

Me:  Well, I wasn't planning to go there for lunch, but it sounds really good. 

Charlotte:  Oh. Well I was planning to go there. 

(June 6, 2016)

Sunday, June 5, 2016


Charlotte: *playing with my hair, tiptoeing around the edge of the bed to get to the other side* I will be veeeerrrry . . . 

Me: *mentally filling in "careful" while she pauses*

Charlotte: . . . awesome on this ledge. 

(June 5, 2016)


Molly:  Sometimes I need to stretch because I feel like rubber. 

(June 5, 2016)

Thursday, June 2, 2016

A Little Bit

Charlotte:  Mommy

Me:  Yes?

Charlotte:  I changed the "yes" and the "no" a little bit. Because my "no" means "yes," and my "yes" means "no."

(June 2, 2016)

Tuesday, May 24, 2016


Butch:  You need to take a shower today.

Me:  *gasps*  Are we getting pedicures and crab legs today?!

Butch:  Yes.

Charlotte:  Me!  I want some!

Me:  Aw, not today, baby.

Butch:  We'll probably take you before the wedding.

Me:  Yes.  We will definitely take you before the wedding.

Charlotte:  *running out of the room*  Yes!  Aunt Erica's wedding is today!

(May 24, 2016)


Me:  Yikes, your toenails need to be cut.

Charlotte:  *holding up her hand* What about my fingernails?

Me:  Lord yes.  I've known they needed some cutting, but I didn't realize your toes were so bad.

Charlotte:  *points to my legs*  Your hairs need some cutting!

(May 24, 2016)

Monday, May 23, 2016


Charlotte: What day is it?

Me: Monday. 

Charlotte: *smacking her hand to her forehead* Ugh! Monday! Why do we always have to skip Sunday?

Me: Yesterday was Sunday. 

Charlotte: *hand to forehead again* Ugh!

(May 23, 2016)

Thursday, May 19, 2016

So, Like . . .

Molly:  Have I eaten half my burger yet?

Me:  Ummmm . . . three more bites and you'll have it. 

Molly:  So, like, one more bite?

(May 19, 2016)

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Let's Not Worry about That

Charlotte:  *while moving a chair back to its correct spot in the resource room* How did this chair get over there?

Me:  Hmmm.  I don't know.  Maybe it walked over there?

Charlotte:  Nooooo.  *giggling*  Chairs don't walk!

April:  Are you sure?  They have legs.

Charlotte:  No!  *more giggles*

Me:  No?  Well, what do you think?

Charlotte:  *shrugs*

Me:  Think about it.  How do you think it got over there?

Charlotte:  Let's not worry about that.  Let's just go.

(May 17, 2016)

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Too Much

Charlotte: *babbling and messing with her blankets at bedtime*

Me: Just go to sleep. 

Charlotte:  I'm sorry, Momma. There's just too much to love. 

(May 12, 2016)

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

I Feel You

Me: *talking about the stomach ache Charlotte had the night before* But she wouldn't let me put any oil on it to try to help. 

Butch:  I feel you, kid. 

Charlotte:  How do you feel me without touching me?

(April 27, 2016)

Tuesday, April 19, 2016


Charlotte:  *digging around the console in my car, finds pennies* Money! I need this money!

Me:  Why are you going crazy over money?

Charlotte:  Because money is lucky. *gathering up the pennies* I'm gonna be so lucky. Like Daddy. Because he has so much money.

Me:  Oh yeah?

Charlotte:  Yeah. He almost has 100 moneys. 

(April 19, 2016)

Monday, April 11, 2016

Too Much Golf

Butch:  *struggling to sit down in his car*

Molly:  What's wrong? Your back?

Butch:  Yes. 

Molly:  *with sincere concern* Maybe you shouldn't just sit around and watch golf all the time. 

(April 11, 2016)

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Can't Resist

Charlotte:  *holding her hand on my face*

Me:  Stop that please. 

Charlotte:  *putting her other hand on my face* I can't. I just can't resist your big, smushy cheeks. 

(April, 7, 2016) 


Charlotte:  Let me see you jump. Can you even jump, Momma?

(April 7, 2016)

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Sometimes I'll Have to Be Gone

Charlotte:  *walks up to stand beside my chair*  Momma?

Me:  Yes, baby?

Charlotte:  Sometimes, I'll have to be gone for a while.  Because I have to go poop.  Like right now.  *goes upstairs*

(April 6, 2016)

Monday, April 4, 2016

Ted Cruz

Molly:  So why do you not like Ted Cruz? Did he say something you didn't like?  Or is it because he's a vampire?

(April 4, 2016)

Saturday, March 26, 2016


Molly:  *cuddling up to me suddenly*  Thanks for giving birth to my sister.

(March 27, 2016)

Friday, March 25, 2016


Molly:  *in the back seat* Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. 

Butch:  *pausing the podcast we're listening to* Molly, what are you doing?

Molly:  Playing with my ocelot. *pause* And there's a party. 

Butch:  Oh, ok. There's a party. *unpausing the podcast* Very well. Carry on. 

Molly:  *muttering to herself* Weird. 

(March 25, 2016)

Thursday, March 24, 2016


Butch: *parks the car in our driveway* 

Charlotte: *pipes up from the back seat* I literally forgot to buckle my bottom buckle!

(March 24, 2016)

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Dark Maul

Charlotte:  *running to climb in my lap while her sister chases her* Save me!  Dark Maul's coming!

(March 19, 2016)


Charlotte:  Hey, Daddy!  *singing* Da, da da da da da. Da, da da da. Woo!  Fireball!

Butch:  Yup, baby. "Fireball."

Molly:  What's "Fireball?"

Charlotte:  It's a song that I hear in Mrs. Jones' car. 

(March 19, 2016)

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Pumpkin Eater

Molly:  *playing with Charlotte, making her Barbie talk*  You're a cheater!  *singing*  Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater!  *serious voice*  You. Eat. Pumpkin.

(March 15, 2016)

Monday, March 14, 2016


Molly:  *noticing that I'm watching a show on my laptop* Are you watching a movie?

Me:  Actually, I'm watching a tv show. 

Molly:  *in the same time I use to ask about her homework when she's playing on the iPad* Did you finish all your work?

(March 14, 2016)

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Okay, Nikki

Me:  Go get ready for bed, Charlotte. 

Charlotte:  I'm not Charlotte. I'm Molly. 

Me:  I don't care who you are, just go get ready for bed. 

Charlotte:  *running out of the room* Okay, NIKKI!

(March 10, 2016)

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Breath Smells

Charlotte:  *after getting right up in my face about five minutes after I finished dinner* Your breath smells like the inside of a turkey!

(March 5, 2016)

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Speaking Chinese

Me:  Molly, what is going on up there?

Molly:  She's making me mad because she keeps talking and it makes me mess up what I'm doing!

Me:  Molly Grace.

Molly:  *louder*  She's making me mad because she keeps talking and it makes me mess up what I'm doing!!!

Me:  Molly Gra--

Molly:  *even louder, in an exasperated tone*  She's making me mad because she keeps talking and it makes me mess up what I'm doing!!!!!

Me:  Molly G--

Molly:  Mom!  I SAID, she's making me mad because she keeps talking and it makes me mess up what I'm doing!  Do you not understand?!  Am I speaking Chinese?!

(March 3, 2016)

Sunday, February 21, 2016


Butch:  *to Molly* I'll pack water for your lunch, and you can take juice for Cardinal Kids Day.

Molly:  Yeah. Juice is more of a fancy drink. Water's more of a lunch drink.

(February 19, 2016)

Friday, February 19, 2016


Molly:  *as I strain the pasta I just finished boiling* You know, Mom, you're gonna have to learn how to cook. In case Dad gets sick. 

(February 19, 2016)

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Mommy, According to Charlotte (Age 4)

1.What is something I say to you? I love you. 
2. What makes me happy? When I do right choices. 
3. What makes me sad? When I don't do right choices. 
4. How do I make you laugh? Tickle me. 
5. How old am I? 40
6. What is my favorite thing to do? Read books. 
7. What do I do when you're not around? Work. 
8. What am I good at? Tests. 
9. What am I not very good at? Cooking dinner. 
10. What do I do at my job? Work and help kids. 
11. What is my favorite food? Pasta and pizza. 
12. What do you enjoy doing with me? Going to bounce houses. 

(February 11, 2016)

Sunday, February 7, 2016


Kaitlyn: Does your thumb taste good?

Charlotte:  Mm-hm. 

Kaitlyn:  What's it taste like?

Charlotte:  Watermelon. *holds up the other thumb* And this one tastes like orange. 

(February 7, 2016)

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Little Feminist, Part 2

Molly:  David was kind of mean today in class. Because he said, "Boys rule!" But I was like, "No.  Boys and girls are EQUAL."

(February 2, 2016)

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Simple Pleasures

Charlotte:  *farts as she climbs into my lap for bedtime snuggles*

Me:  Ew.  Child, could you please stop farting?

Charlotte:  But I like farting!

(January 30, 2016)

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Cause of Death

Molly and Charlotte: *playing Minecraft, pretending their characters are talking to each other*

Molly:  What happened to him?

Charlotte: He died. 

Molly: How did he die? Did he die by being killed?

(January 30, 2016)

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Little Feminist

Molly:  *drawing with Makayla, her babysitter* Draw some things that would make you happy as a kitty. 

Makayla:  Hmmmm . . . how about a boy kitty?

Molly:  No! You don't need a boy kitty to make you happy!

(January 27, 2016)


Butch and Molly:  *in the feminine hygiene aisle at Walmart to get tampons for me* 

Molly:  Why do you have to get those things for Mommy?

Butch:  Well, when girls get older, things happen in their bodies that cause them to need these things. 

Molly:  So, like, me and Charlotte when we get older, and Mommy, but not you?

Butch:  Right. 

Molly:  *pauses to think a moment* So, when I'm a grownup, my husband will buy them for me. *carries on down the aisles with that matter settled*

(January 26, 2016)

Monday, January 25, 2016

Restaurant Critic

Charlotte:  *sees that I'm eating Chick-Fil-A waffle fries, starts to get miffed, then reconsiders* We had McDonald's. McDonald's is better than Chick-Fil-A. 

Me:  *raises an eyebrow dubiously*

Charlotte:  Uh-huh. It is. *pauses* But Red Robin is better than all the restaurants . . . that aren't frozen yogurt. . . or Mexican. 

(January 25, 2016)

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Taste Buds

Molly:  The queso is tasting sweeter. It's not as spicy. 

Me:  Well, you're probably just getting used to it. 

Molly:  Oh, right. I think my taste buds are changing. 

Charlotte:  *gasps* Not the tasty buds!

(January 23, 2016)

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Called Out

Me:  Why?

Charlotte:  Because. 

Me:  But why?

Charlotte:  Because!

Me:  That is not a reason. 

Charlotte:  But you say that when I ask the questions. 

(January 21, 2016)

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Sing to the Hand

Me:  *singing "Death of a Bachelor" because it's stuck in my head*

Charlotte:  *walks over and looks deep into my eyes as she places her hand over my mouth*

(January 20, 2016)

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

What If

Me:  *following Charlotte up the stairs* Now, we need to be quiet when we go in your room because Molly is asleep.

Charlotte:  *stopping and turning around to whisper* What if we have to sneeze or cough?

(January 19, 2016)

Sunday, January 17, 2016

The Kids!

Butch:  *cooking*

Molly and Charlotte:  *suddenly bombarding the kitchen with noise and movement*

Butch:  *getting frustrated by all the noise and little people running around him while he's trying to chop things*

Me:  Calm down, honey.

Butch:  Sorry.  I'm just being driven crazy right now for some reason.

Charlotte:  The kids!  It's the kids!

(January 17, 2016)

Friday, January 15, 2016

Food Review

Molly:  *responding to the bite of corn dog she was asked to try* I like the bread . . . but there's a hot dog. 

(January 15, 2016)

Thursday, January 7, 2016


Charlotte:  *abruptly standing up off my lap and pulling at her pants* My hoo-hoo has a wedgie!

(January 7, 2016)

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The King

Molly:  *telling us about the a video on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. she watched in class, with most of her focus on explaining why he was a "junior"*

Me:  And do you remember why he's important?

Charlotte:  Because he's the king!

(January 5, 2016)

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Let's Go Ahead

Me:  *holding Charlotte in the rocker at bedtime*

Molly:  *throwing a ridiculous fit in the top bunk*

Me:  One. If you keep throwing that fit and I get to three, you'll get no computer time tomorrow. You have the choice to stop now and keep your computer time. 

Molly:  *continuing the fit*

Me:  Two. If you don't stop throwing a fit, you're choosing to not have computer time tomorrow. 

Molly:  *continuing the fit, but quieter*

Me:  I've already said "two." If you don't stop now, you're making the choice to have no computer time tomorrow.

Charlotte:  *whispering to me* Let's go ahead and say "three."

(January 3, 2016)