Thursday, August 3, 2017

Do It

Me: What did you eat for lunch today?

Charlotte: I didn't have lunch.

Me: What? You're Daddy didn't feed you?! I'm gonna have to call the cops on him!

Charlotte:  Do it.

(August 2, 2017)

Thursday, July 27, 2017


Charlotte: This tooth is Timmy. *pause* I named my teeth.

(July 27, 2017)

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Hard Way

Molly: *attempting to help Charlotte with something*

Charlotte: Molly, I don't need help.

Molly: *continues "helping"*

Charlotte: Molly, I don't NEED help.

Molly: *continues "helping"*

Charlotte: Molly, I don't need help!

Molly: I'm just trying to make it easier.

Charlotte: I don't need easier. I'm fine with the hard way.

(July 26, 2017)

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Um, No.

Molly: Mommy, can I play outside?

Me: No.

Molly: *starting to whine* But whyyyy? You're sitting right here and can see out the window.

Me: *pulling up the Weather app* Look at this.

Weather App: *displays current temperature of 91 degrees*

Me: You really wanna go out there?

Molly: Um, no.

(July 18, 2017)

Monday, July 17, 2017

Lots of Things

Molly and Charlotte: *showing me their yoga poses*

Me: Awesome! You guys are really good at tree pose.

Charlotte: I'm good at lots of things.

Me:  Oh yeah?

Charlotte: Uh-huh. I'm really good at rolling off the bed and not getting hurt.

(July 17, 2017)

Saturday, May 27, 2017


Molly and Charlotte: *arguing upstairs*

Molly: If you throw that at me, I'm telling Mom directly!

(May 27, 2017)

Why Do You Do This to Me?

Butch: There's some leftover pasta, if you guys want that for lunch tomorrow.

Charlotte: Chicken?

Butch:  No, there's none of that left.

Charlotte:  Ugh! Why do you do this to me?!

(May 27, 2017)

Tuesday, May 23, 2017


Charlotte:  *after finding me at one of the outdoor stations for Field Day* Momma! I thought you'd be inside.

(May 22, 2017)

Full On

Molly:  I teared up a little on the bus at the end of the day. I didn't full-on cry, but I was sad to leave my friends.

(May 23, 2017)

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Didn't Even Listen

Me:  Did you kick your Daddy out of bed last night?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.  Molly.

Me:  Oh, Molly dragged him to your room?

Charlotte:  Yup.

Me:  Then why'd you come in here?  Bad dreams?

Charlotte:  No, good dreams.  I came in here to tell you about them.

Me:  You did?

Charlotte:  But you were asleep.  You didn't even listen.

(May 20, 2017)

Thursday, May 11, 2017


Charlotte:  *walking into the room after having stripped to her underwear*

Butch:  Well. Hey there, Naked.

Charlotte:  Hey there, Stinky.

(May 10, 2017)

Sunday, April 16, 2017

For You

Charlotte:  Momma?

Me:  Yes, Petey-Pie?

Charlotte:  *pointing to my plate, on which sit two small brownies* If you don't want to eat your second brownie, I could take it for you.

(April 16, 2017)

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Or Your Right One

Molly:  Some time, can we go to Skateland, and I can see Gabriella there if her family goes there on the same day?

Me:  Sure, I think we could make plans like that some time.

Charlotte:  And me, too!  I wanna go!

Me:  You don't even like roller skating.

Charlotte:  I wanna try again, now that I'm six.

Molly:  I really don't want to fall and get a giant bruise on my left butt cheek again.

Charlotte:  Or your right one!

(April 11, 2017)

On the Rocks

Butch and me:  *discussing dinner plans on the phone via our cars' bluetooth connections*

Molly and Charlotte:  *riding in the back seat of Butch's car*

Me:  I'll meet you there. If you want to go ahead and order for me, get me a water and --

Charlotte:  A margarita on the rocks!

(April 11, 2017)

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Since I Got It

Charlotte:  *picks up a glass of milk*

Butch:  Don't drink that.

Charlotte:  Why not?

Butch:  I don't know how long it's been sitting out.

Charlotte:  Since I got it.

(April 7, 2017)


Me:  Do you feel six?

Charlotte:  Hmmm . . . not really.

(April 5, 2017)

Sunday, March 19, 2017


Butch:  You can go upstairs to your room, or you can go to the computer room to play. But you can't go back to your sister's room for a while.

Charlotte:  I'll stay here on the steps.

Butch:  That is not an option.

Charlotte:  I have no options!

(March 19, 2017)

Friday, March 3, 2017

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

No, Like, Literally

Charlotte:  What time is it?

Me:  *definitely not passing up the chance for a Hamilton allusion*  SHOWTIME!

Charlotte:  *not amused* No, like, literally, what time is it?

(March 1, 2017)

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Cost-Benefit Analysis

Charlotte: *in trouble for an abundance of sassitude and a plethora of bad choices, locks herself in her room*

Butch:  Open this door.

Charlotte:  No!

Butch:  One . . . two . . .

Charlotte:  Tell me what's gonna happen if I don't open the door.

(February 21, 2017)

Friday, February 3, 2017

Not Today

Charlotte: *watching "Bo on the Go"*

Bo:  *asks the viewer to get up and move to give her energy*

Charlotte:  *turns off the tablet* Not today, Bo. *runs upstairs*

(February 3, 2017)

Thursday, February 2, 2017

How Cool Is That?

Me:  *telling Butch about Charlotte's parent-teacher conference* And she's in the top reading group.

Charlotte:  What does THAT mean?

Me:  Well, it means you get an extra library time every week.

Charlotte:  Oh yeah! Mrs. Morris told us that.

Me:  How cool is that?!

Charlotte:  Cooler than anything else!

(January 30, 2017)

Of Course

Charlotte:  Where's the tape? I need some tape.

Me:  Why do you need tape?

Charlotte:  To tape something.

(February 2, 2017)

Thursday, January 26, 2017


Me: *singing along to Adele's "Hello," which is playing on my phone while I'm helping Charlotte shower*

Charlotte:  Mommy, I just want hear Adele sing.

(January 26, 2017)

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Maybe Next Winter

Charlotte:  *picking up a snowball launching toy she got for Christmas* I wish we could play with this.

Me:  I'm sorry, baby, but there's not enough snow for that thing.

Charlotte:  *sighing*  Maybe next winter.

(January 7, 2017)