The Hard Way

Molly: *attempting to help Charlotte with something*

Charlotte: Molly, I don't need help.

Molly: *continues "helping"*

Charlotte: Molly, I don't NEED help.

Molly: *continues "helping"*

Charlotte: Molly, I don't need help!

Molly: I'm just trying to make it easier.

Charlotte: I don't need easier. I'm fine with the hard way.

(July 26, 2017)

Um, No.

Molly: Mommy, can I play outside?

Me: No.

Molly: *starting to whine* But whyyyy? You're sitting right here and can see out the window.

Me: *pulling up the Weather app* Look at this.

Weather App: *displays current temperature of 91 degrees*

Me: You really wanna go out there?

Molly: Um, no.

(July 18, 2017)

Lots of Things

Molly and Charlotte: *showing me their yoga poses*

Me: Awesome! You guys are really good at tree pose.

Charlotte: I'm good at lots of things.

Me:  Oh yeah?

Charlotte: Uh-huh. I'm really good at rolling off the bed and not getting hurt.

(July 17, 2017)

Directly

Molly and Charlotte: *arguing upstairs*

Molly: If you throw that at me, I'm telling Mom directly!

(May 27, 2017)

Full On

Molly:  I teared up a little on the bus at the end of the day. I didn't full-on cry, but I was sad to leave my friends.

(May 23, 2017)

Didn't Even Listen

Me:  Did you kick your Daddy out of bed last night?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.  Molly.

Me:  Oh, Molly dragged him to your room?

Charlotte:  Yup.

Me:  Then why'd you come in here?  Bad dreams?

Charlotte:  No, good dreams.  I came in here to tell you about them.

Me:  You did?

Charlotte:  But you were asleep.  You didn't even listen.

(May 20, 2017)

Or Your Right One

Molly:  Some time, can we go to Skateland, and I can see Gabriella there if her family goes there on the same day?

Me:  Sure, I think we could make plans like that some time.

Charlotte:  And me, too!  I wanna go!

Me:  You don't even like roller skating.

Charlotte:  I wanna try again, now that I'm six.

Molly:  I really don't want to fall and get a giant bruise on my left butt cheek again.

Charlotte:  Or your right one!

(April 11, 2017)

On the Rocks

Butch and me:  *discussing dinner plans on the phone via our cars' bluetooth connections*

Molly and Charlotte:  *riding in the back seat of Butch's car*

Me:  I'll meet you there. If you want to go ahead and order for me, get me a water and --

Charlotte:  A margarita on the rocks!

(April 11, 2017)

Leprechaun's Day

Molly:  Mom, when is Leprechaun's Day?

(March 3, 2017)

You People Down There

Butch, Erica, Mom, and Me:  *watching Steelers vs. Ravens football*

Molly and Charlotte:  *playing upstairs*

Butch and Me:  *explode in cheers as the Steelers get a touchdown*

Molly:  What's wrong with you people down there?

(December 25, 2016)

Self-Awareness

Molly: *taking a t-shirt out of a box of clothes she just unwrapped, tossing it aside after barely a glance*

Me:  That one says, "The sass is strong with this one."

Molly:  Yes, it is.

(December 25, 2016)

Empty Stomach

Molly:  Are we going to Mexican, or are we going to see Santa?

Me:  Yes.

Molly:  But which one are we doing first? I hope it's Mexican because I'm very hungry, and I do NOT want to have an empty stomach when I talk to Santa.

(December 23, 2016)

Shhhhhhh

Me:  *sitting in the rocker in Molly's room, grading papers while waiting for the girls (who have recently taken to sharing a bed by choice) to fall asleep*

Charlotte:  *climbs out of the bed and tiptoes over to me. places her index finger in front of her mouth.*  Shhhhh.  Molly's asleep.

Me:  *WTH look, speechless.*

Charlotte:  I helped her fall asleep.

Me:  YOU should be asle--

Charlotte:  Shhhhhhh.

(December 4, 2016)

Probably

Molly:  This why probably why I'm older. Because I was born in 2008, and she was born in 2011.

(November 24, 2016)

Cops

Butch and me: *reacting to an idiot who nearly caused an accident at one of Joplin's many roundabouts *

Molly: What? What happened?

Me: People just don't know how to do roundabouts.

Butch: *at the same time* A car just pulled out in front of another one.

Charlotte: *in a tiny, ominous voice* Cops gon' get them.

(October 14, 2016)

She's Bad

Molly: *asks for something that she's already had turned down multiple times*

Me: No. 

Molly: *starts throwing mild tantrum and stalks out of the room*

Charlotte: *looks at me* She's bad. 

(September 4, 2016)

Mashup

Molly: *discussing various photos of mixed-breed puppies she found on Pinterest* That's definitely the cutest mashup. 

(August 26, 2016)

Get Ready

Molly and Charlotte: *in the back seat of the car, playing with a game in the iPad *

Molly: Charlotte, get ready to hear this enormous fart. 

Butch: *cracks up in proud laughter*

(August 7, 2016)

Dealing

Me:  Listen, sometimes you go stupid.  Like when you said 16 oz was a cup.

Butch:  I'm gonna punch you.

Molly:  *pointing her finger at Butch in reprimand*

Butch:  She called me stupid!

Me:  *cracking up*

Molly:  *stomping out of the room*

Me:  I'm not laughing at you, baby.

Molly:  *turning around*  No, I'm just walking out because I don't want to deal with this.

(July 30, 2016)

Boo-kee Boo-kee Boo-kee

Charlotte and Molly: *watching a recording of the parent preview performances*

Charlotte: Where's Daddy? Where Daddy? Where's Daddy?

Molly:  He's right there!  Going boo-kee boo-kee boo-kee!

(July 29, 2016)