Do It

Me: What did you eat for lunch today?

Charlotte: I didn't have lunch.

Me: What? You're Daddy didn't feed you?! I'm gonna have to call the cops on him!

Charlotte:  Do it.

(August 2, 2017)

Why Do You Do This to Me?

Butch: There's some leftover pasta, if you guys want that for lunch tomorrow.

Charlotte: Chicken?

Butch:  No, there's none of that left.

Charlotte:  Ugh! Why do you do this to me?!

(May 27, 2017)

Didn't Even Listen

Me:  Did you kick your Daddy out of bed last night?

Charlotte:  Uh-uh.  Molly.

Me:  Oh, Molly dragged him to your room?

Charlotte:  Yup.

Me:  Then why'd you come in here?  Bad dreams?

Charlotte:  No, good dreams.  I came in here to tell you about them.

Me:  You did?

Charlotte:  But you were asleep.  You didn't even listen.

(May 20, 2017)

Stinky

Charlotte:  *walking into the room after having stripped to her underwear*

Butch:  Well. Hey there, Naked.

Charlotte:  Hey there, Stinky.

(May 10, 2017)

On the Rocks

Butch and me:  *discussing dinner plans on the phone via our cars' bluetooth connections*

Molly and Charlotte:  *riding in the back seat of Butch's car*

Me:  I'll meet you there. If you want to go ahead and order for me, get me a water and --

Charlotte:  A margarita on the rocks!

(April 11, 2017)

Since I Got It

Charlotte:  *picks up a glass of milk*

Butch:  Don't drink that.

Charlotte:  Why not?

Butch:  I don't know how long it's been sitting out.

Charlotte:  Since I got it.

(April 7, 2017)

Options

Butch:  You can go upstairs to your room, or you can go to the computer room to play. But you can't go back to your sister's room for a while.

Charlotte:  I'll stay here on the steps.

Butch:  That is not an option.

Charlotte:  I have no options!

(March 19, 2017)

Cost-Benefit Analysis

Charlotte: *in trouble for an abundance of sassitude and a plethora of bad choices, locks herself in her room*

Butch:  Open this door.

Charlotte:  No!

Butch:  One . . . two . . .

Charlotte:  Tell me what's gonna happen if I don't open the door.

(February 21, 2017)

You People Down There

Butch, Erica, Mom, and Me:  *watching Steelers vs. Ravens football*

Molly and Charlotte:  *playing upstairs*

Butch and Me:  *explode in cheers as the Steelers get a touchdown*

Molly:  What's wrong with you people down there?

(December 25, 2016)

Cops

Butch and me: *reacting to an idiot who nearly caused an accident at one of Joplin's many roundabouts *

Molly: What? What happened?

Me: People just don't know how to do roundabouts.

Butch: *at the same time* A car just pulled out in front of another one.

Charlotte: *in a tiny, ominous voice* Cops gon' get them.

(October 14, 2016)

Preferences

Butch: *starting to hand Charlotte her shirt to put on*

Charlotte:  I prefer to put on pants first. 

(August 15, 2016)

Get Ready

Molly and Charlotte: *in the back seat of the car, playing with a game in the iPad *

Molly: Charlotte, get ready to hear this enormous fart. 

Butch: *cracks up in proud laughter*

(August 7, 2016)

Dealing

Me:  Listen, sometimes you go stupid.  Like when you said 16 oz was a cup.

Butch:  I'm gonna punch you.

Molly:  *pointing her finger at Butch in reprimand*

Butch:  She called me stupid!

Me:  *cracking up*

Molly:  *stomping out of the room*

Me:  I'm not laughing at you, baby.

Molly:  *turning around*  No, I'm just walking out because I don't want to deal with this.

(July 30, 2016)

Boo-kee Boo-kee Boo-kee

Charlotte and Molly: *watching a recording of the parent preview performances*

Charlotte: Where's Daddy? Where Daddy? Where's Daddy?

Molly:  He's right there!  Going boo-kee boo-kee boo-kee!

(July 29, 2016)

Amazon Echo

Butch:  *unpacking the package UPS just delivered*

Charlotte:  What is that?

Butch:  It's an Amazon Echo.

Molly:  Yes!

Charlotte:  *shouting at the machine* Hello!  Hello! *perplexed look*  I wonder why it's not echoing.

(July 15, 2016)

She's Good

Butch:  *struggling to get Siri to understand him*

Charlotte:  Let Momma do it. She's good at stuff. 

(June 22, 2016)

Pedicures

Butch:  You need to take a shower today.

Me:  *gasps*  Are we getting pedicures and crab legs today?!

Butch:  Yes.

Charlotte:  Me!  I want some!

Me:  Aw, not today, baby.

Butch:  We'll probably take you before the wedding.

Me:  Yes.  We will definitely take you before the wedding.

Charlotte:  *running out of the room*  Yes!  Aunt Erica's wedding is today!

(May 24, 2016)

I Feel You

Me: *talking about the stomach ache Charlotte had the night before* But she wouldn't let me put any oil on it to try to help. 

Butch:  I feel you, kid. 

Charlotte:  How do you feel me without touching me?

(April 27, 2016)

Money

Charlotte:  *digging around the console in my car, finds pennies* Money! I need this money!

Me:  Why are you going crazy over money?

Charlotte:  Because money is lucky. *gathering up the pennies* I'm gonna be so lucky. Like Daddy. Because he has so much money.

Me:  Oh yeah?

Charlotte:  Yeah. He almost has 100 moneys. 

(April 19, 2016)

Too Much Golf

Butch:  *struggling to sit down in his car*

Molly:  What's wrong? Your back?

Butch:  Yes. 

Molly:  *with sincere concern* Maybe you shouldn't just sit around and watch golf all the time. 

(April 11, 2016)